Fic: A Kiss That You Want With Your Whole Life - St RPS [Chapter 4/11]

[pslasher]

See the story tag for the other chapters.

CH 4

Chris slammed down his beer glass after chugging back most of it. “It has been a rough fucking week, hasn’t it?”

Karl nodded. They’d been filming the extensive bridge scenes and they were all exhausted. “If J.J. asked us to do the ‘Classic Star Trek’ lurch to the side one more time I thought I was going to yell at him to give it up already. I love the man’s enthusiasm, but sometimes doing fifty takes of something is just overkill.”

Chris huffed. “You’ve got it easy, you don’t have a quarter of the scenes as I do. The man’s a perfectionist. You know how many takes we did of Spock walking out of the lift? Thirty five. I counted. All for something that’s going to wind up being onscreen for five seconds!”

Karl raised his own beer glass and tipped it at Chris. “You’ve got a point there. Oh, the trials and tribulations of being a movie star!”

“Hush up, you. My parents are always preaching to me about the responsibilities of being a working actor, and how I have to put in the work, and be grateful I have work, and blah blah blah.”

“Smart parents,” Karl said, taking a sip of his beer.

Chris sighed. “Yeah, they are. It’s nice to have that insider knowledge and someone who’s been there before. Doesn’t mean it isn’t still stressful, though.”

“True,” Karl conceded. Chris was young for the role, relatively speaking, and he was actually handling it reasonably well. He had the occasional day where Karl could tell everything was wearing on him, and where he missed take after take and the stress got to him. But he always showed up with his lines memorized and a good attitude about taking direction; he could be doing a hell of a lot worse, which Karl had seen before plenty of times. As much as Karl liked to rib him about being childish he was actually pretty mature – once you got past the goofiness.

Karl regarded Chris. He was slouched back into the booth across from him idly scoping out the bar around them. They had only just gotten their beers, wings were on the way, but he already looked a little more relaxed than he had before. Karl was happy to see that and thought he might be up for a little advice.

“The thing about this business is that you can’t have any ego about it at all. Which is hard, because it takes a hell of a lot of confidence to get up there and audition and say, ‘Yes, I can handle the lead role. I can carry this film that you expect to earn a billion dollars. I’m your man.’”

Chris snorted and Karl acknowledged the paradox with a wry nod of his head.

“The thing is, they aren’t the same thing. A lot of guys don’t get that, especially tops. You can have complete confidence in your ability to pull the character out from within yourself without thinking you’re god’s gift to the business and you know better than the director and everyone else how things should go. That’ll get you a reputation that makes it hard to get work. You’re doing a good job walking that balance.”

Chris looked a little surprised. “Really? Honestly, the confidence thing is a big deal. I really don’t do well at that at all sometimes.”

“I don’t know why not, you’re skilled and very sensitive to the actors around you. That’s a gift, you know.”

Chris shrugged, seemingly uncomfortable. “It’s hard keeping the toppy act going sometimes. I’ve been told I can be a pretty toppy sub, but sometimes it’s hard to bring that out. I mean, I can do the attitude, it’s just…” He shrugged again.

Karl nodded. “It’s not your true dynamic, that makes sense.” He hesitated, not wanting to overstep, but decided to push forward anyway. They’d been hanging out a lot and Karl counted Chris as a friend, and he thought Chris felt the same way. “Do you have anyone consistent in your life that can offer a little more structure than what you’ve got now? I mean, it seems like you aren’t dating anyone, but that may help.”

Chris regarded him with narrowed eyes. “I can’t tell if you’re harping on me to settle down already, like my mom does, or what.”

“No, nothing like that! I know it’s not my business, live your life how you want. It’s just that some subs do better with acting and creative expression when they have a stable top who can provide a little more structure. Getting your needs met in a consistent way can actually promote creativity.”

“Eh, I haven’t seen anyone seriously for years now. It’s too hard to keep something going with the schedules we keep.”

Chris was biting his lip and picking at his cardboard coaster. Karl was pretty sure he was being evasive, but he wasn’t sure how to draw out the real story without prying. Just then their wings arrived and the moment passed.

The wings were excellent and they ordered a second round, along with more beer. Conversation turned to easier topics, like the way John had accidently broken a dial last week and made everyone yell at him for extending their work day by a couple of hours. By the end of the evening they were more than a little tipsy and they had wound up on the same side of the huge booth when Chris had come over to show him a silly text exchange between he and Zach from earlier in the day.

Karl stretched his arms out across the back of the booth and kicked his feet out, hooking one ankle over another. “I do believe I’m too pissed to drive right now.”

Chris laughed. “I told you we should have taken a cab.”

Karl tipped his head back and closed his eyes. “I’m cool with just hanging out until it passes.”

“That’s going to be a while,” Chris said, and then was quiet for so long Karl thought he may have dozed off until he spoke again. “There’s a little club a couple of doors down. We could entertain ourselves.”

Karl cracked open one eye to peer over at Chris. “Entertain ourselves? That sounds like you have something in mind.”

Chris shrugged one shoulder, and this time Karl could tell that his cheeks were pink since he’d been freshly scrubbed clean of his makeup. “I just thought, since you were talking about having a consistent top and all, you might be offering?” He grinned a bit.

Karl furrowed his brow, trying to suss out whether Chris was really coming on to him, or just flirting and joking. He had a cocky grin going, but he was also blushing and picking at his fingernail and Karl thought he might actually be making a sincere advance.

An image of Chris’ wrists bound together above his head with dark leather sprang to mind and Karl really wanted to see what that looked like in person. He’d wanted to mark Chris’ skin since that night he’d taken him home and cared for him, he’d just done his best to keep it suppressed and not think of it. But now the desire flared up hot, and he flexed his hands, rubbing the one in his lap against his thigh to try and let the need to touch dissipate.

He hadn’t taken another submissive without Natalie being directly involved since Viggo on the Rings set, and that was after a lot of discussion with Natalie and with her complete support. Karl didn’t play casually with people he met while away working. It wasn’t something he or Natalie really wanted for their relationship. Also, Chris was the leading man in the movie, for God’s sake. Getting involved with him could be career suicide if it went wrong. People were always sympathetic to the sub when high-profile celebrity couples broke up, especially if the breakup was messy and public. And it was very poor form for a top to ‘seduce’ a co-worker, especially a younger sub, never mind the fact that Chris was the one asking him.

“So, uh, never mind, then. I guess that’s not something you’re interested in,” Chris said, and Karl realized he’d been quiet for too long.

“No, it’s just I don’t, not without Natalie, you know,” Karl said, feeling lame. He wasn’t going to start something with Chris, so it felt weird to tell him he was actually attracted to him. It might mess up what they had going.

Chris nodded. “Well, that’s cool. Plenty of fish in the sea. I can always head over and see who’s hanging out for the night.”

And that was another excellent reason: Chris flirted with everyone and seemed to go home with whoever was open. It didn’t sit right with Karl to just be one in a long line of many. He wasn’t sure why, exactly. Like he’d told Chris, Natalie was a switch and they’d had a few one night stands over the years when she got the itch for it. Chris just felt different for some reason.

“Sure. I wouldn’t want to hold you up,” Karl said.

“Right. Well, I can catch a cab later on, no need to wait for me. Have a good night, man, catch you on Monday.” Chris clapped him on the back and grinned cheekily before slipping out of the booth and sauntering out of the bar.

Karl watched him go, watched him wave at the bartender’s called goodnight, and wondered if he was imagining the disappointment he thought he’d seen in Chris’ eyes. He scrubbed a hand over his face and lent his head back against the booth again.

That had gotten incredibly awkward, a bad end to an otherwise fun and cozy evening. Maybe he should have said yes? God knew he wanted to. He wanted Chris marked up and begging and sucking his cock and-

Karl groaned and lent forward with his elbows on the table, scrubbing his hands through his hair. Jesus, that was totally inappropriate. He couldn’t afford to indulge in that kind of fantasy when he still had to see Chris at work every day.

He paid his bill and went outside to walk a bit to clear his mind and walk off the alcohol. He wondered down the strip, sidestepping gawking tourists and peering into store fronts without actually seeing anything. Eventually the buzz wore off and he made his way back to his car and drove home.

He dragged his clothes off, pulled on a tee shirt, and lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Chris was maybe still at that club, maybe playing with a top right then. Maybe tied up. He hoped Chris got home ok, that he was playing safe, that he wasn’t drinking too much and that he had some water before he went to bed.

He sighed and rolled over onto his stomach. He didn’t know why he was so hung up on this. The last sub he’d had a huge crush on, other than Natalie of course, was Viggo, and he wasn’t even really this obsessed with whether or not Viggo was taking care of himself when Karl wasn’t around. He knew Viggo took care of himself. He was sure Chris did, too, he was a grown man after all. Karl was coming over possessive and that wasn’t good; he had no right to that.

He grabbed his laptop and skyped Natalie, who grinned when she answered. She had on her pajamas and her face was scrubbed clean of makeup. She looked fresh and soft and he wished he could hold her.

Karl asked, “The kids still up?”

“No, they just turned out the lights,” Natalie said, settling deeper into the pillows and blankets of their bed. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Can’t sleep,” Karl said.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Just thinking too much I guess,” Karl said. He bit his lip for a few moments before fessing up. “Chris and I went out for wings and he came on to me. It got awkward.”

Natalie’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “What did you tell him?”

“I said no, of course. I mean, what else could I say?”

“What did you want to say?”

Karl paused, not really wanting to admit he had a crush on Chris, but not able to lie and say it was nothing. Eventually he sighed. “I want to play with him. I wanted to say yes. But you and I have our agreement and I respect that.”

Natalie laughed. “Baby, you are too adorable for words. Just come out and say you have a huge crush on him and you want to fuck him through the floor.”

Karl groaned and threw his arm over his eyes. “I do not.”

“You do, I can tell.”

“What? How?”

“Because you’re bright red right now, for a start. Because you talk about him all the time when we text or call. Because you look the exact same right now as you did when you came to me about Viggo.” Her lips quirked in wry amusement. “Because I know you, you dumbass.”

Karl rubbed a finger down the screen, wishing he could be touching her. “Yeah, you do always seem to know. I just didn’t know what to say, it came out of nowhere and I can’t tell if he meant it or not. He’ll flirt with anyone and I’m just not… That’s not what I’d want.”

“What do you want?”

“To touch him, mark him. He’s pale like you, he marks up beautifully. I want to take him down and see him submit to me.” He sighed. “It’s not like it’s going to happen, though. It’s a terrible idea that could go really wrong. I mean, this is the biggest movie of my career, I can’t afford to screw it up.”

“You could always wait till after, like we did. That would be reasonable.”

Karl smiled. “Always practical. I love that about you. But we haven’t even talked about you and what you think.”

Natalie shrugged. “I’d be okay with it. I know you aren’t sleeping around with everyone who looks twice at you, and I trust you to be safe and pick someone you can trust.” Her smile turned sly. “Besides, I get my piece on the side every now and again, you should be able to also.”

Karl smiled. “How is Carla?”

“She’s good. We were thinking of seeing if you were available this weekend to Skype.”

“Got the itch again?”

“Yep, and it’s been a while for her. It would be good to spend some time with you, it’s been a while for us, too.” Her gaze turned hot and Karl laughed.

“You don’t want to wait, do you.”

“Hell no, I don’t want to wait. I’ve missed you, Sir.’

“Whatever you want, love,” Karl said, and let his hand drift down to his hardening cock. He might not be able to see Chris with his hands bound, but he could definitely see Natalie that way. Maybe it would get his mind off Chris.

 

~~~

 

“Hey, I’m done for the day,” Karl said, catching Chris by the elbow as he walked past while Karl was headed for makeup. “You still have filming left?”

Chris nodded. “J.J. wants Zach and I back on set in a couple of hours.”

“Want to hang out, run lines or something?” He checked his watch. “We might be able to catch the start of the game or something.”

“Nah.” Chris shook his head. “Thanks, though. I think I’m going to try and nap, I’m pretty beat.”

“Late night?”

Chris shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Hey, have a great Thanksgiving holiday, though.”

Karl smiled. “Thanks. I’m flying home. J.J. gave me a couple of extra days where he didn’t need Bones, so it’ll be nice to relax for a bit. I’m not looking forward to the flight, but what can you do? I’ll buy a book at the airport and get through it. Maybe I’ll finally get a chance to read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo that everyone keeps raving about.”

Chris smiled, but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

“So, you staying in town then?” Karl asked, trying to fill the silence.

“Yeah, my mom’s cooking, like she always does. There’s always way too much food. My sister’s flying in.”

“Oh, good.” Karl said. When Chris didn’t elaborate Karl jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “Well, I guess I’ll just get finished up then, head out. Enjoy your holiday.”

“Thanks, man, you too,” Chris said. He waved, then turned and headed down the hallway.

Karl watched him go, a miserable knot in his stomach that he couldn’t seem to shake lately.

 

~~~

 

Karl came up behind Natalie where she was wiping down the kitchen counter and wrapped his arms around her waist, squeezing. “That was amazing. Thanks for cooking, love.”

She lent her head back onto his shoulder and kissed his jaw. “You are very welcome. I haven’t seen you in months, of course I made your favorite dinner.”

“You just can’t get Pavlova in the Sates. Americans get their beloved turkey on their Thanksgiving, but I’d rather have all this.”

“I know,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“You’re so amazing, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

“Well, sweeping me off my feet to Lake Rotorua for the weekend was a good start,” she said, then twisted around in his grasp to place her palms on his jaw. “You are the most thoughtful and thorough dominant I ever had, and I fell in love and couldn’t live without you, that’s what.”

Karl sighed a little and pressed a kiss to her mouth before leaning his forehead against hers and breathing in her scent. It was silly, but her smell was one of the things he missed when he was gone, and he could never get enough of when he got back.

“What is it,” she said softly.

“What’s what?”

“What’s got you all twisted up? You’ve been like this since you got home. And don’t say you just missed me, I can tell there’s something.”

Karl sighed again and ran his palms down her slim waist before pulling her close and burying his nose in her hair. “There’s something going on with Chris, but I can’t tell what.”

“Did you sleep or play with him?” she asked, squeezing him a little bit with the question.

“No, I’d have told you if I had. I think he’s avoiding me. It’s been completely awkward since that night. We only hang out now when the whole group gets together, and even then he’s evasive. I mean, he’s polite and all, but it’s not like when we were friends and saw each other every few days after work. I can’t tell if he’s pissed at me, or embarrassed, or what.” Natalie squeezed him again and ran her hand over his back and he relaxed into her a little bit more. “I’m a little bit upset about it, I guess. I don’t know what to do to make it right. This is why I didn’t make any moves in the first place.”

“I’m sorry it’s gotten difficult,” she murmured. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“No. That would be even more awkward. I probably should, but what would I say? I can’t tell how he feels about things and I don’t want to make them worse.”

Natalie hummed a little, and he could tell she was turning over the problem in her mind. “You aren’t going to know how he feels unless he tells you, and that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. So you have to think about how you feel and what you want, go from there.”

“What I want and what I should do are two separate things.”

“Just humor me. What would you want if there were no consequences?”

Karl sighed. “Want to make a drink or a coffee or something?” This looked like it may be a difficult conversation.

She kissed his nose. “Make me a white tea?”

He kissed her nose back and went to make it, the movements a familiar evening ritual since it was one of their favorite ways to spend a quiet evening together. He brought her a cup, and they went out on the back deck to stretch out on the loungers. He breathed in the night air, which had some indefinably different quality to any other place on earth. The kowhai ngutukaka were just beginning to bloom, and the faint sweet smell drifted on the gentle breeze. It was a nice change from the cool LA weather.

“I’d want to try and see if he was interested. See if we could make something work.” He stared up into the familiar southern constellations. “I do have a crush on him, yeah. He’s gotten under my skin and I can’t seem to shake it, even though I’ve ignored it all this time.”

Natalie reached across the space and laced her fingers with his. “I thought so.” She squeezed his fingers gently. “Are you going to pursue it?”

“It’s still a terrible idea, no matter how much I want it.”

“Why? You were involved with Viggo during filming.”

“True, but that felt different,” Karl said, turning over the reasons in his mind. “Viggo had a wife to go home to, I was just filling a need until then. He wasn’t sleeping with anyone he could get his hands on in the meantime.”

“That’s not fair, and you know it.”

Karl took a sip of his tea. It was warm and familiar, comforting. “That’s not how I meant it. We’re just in different places, I guess, Chris and I. I don’t know why, but that’s an issue for me right now.”

Natalie hmmed, and took a sip of her own tea. “And that’s all?”

“No, PJ was a totally different director than J.J., a lot more casual. You know how high strung LA gets about things. It would be a huge deal if the paparazzi found out I was topping Chris. He’s already facing an uphill battle being a sub playing such a strong top, the last thing the picture needs is a scandal around the main actor.”

“That’s very true,” she said.

Karl felt a little validated that she agreed. Some small part of him was nagging that he was just making scared excuses because he hadn’t had the butterflies like this in ages and no one wanted to get turned down.

She said softly, “So what about waiting?”

Karl sighed. “He’s not going to wait. He’s too much of a flirt for that, and it’s not fair to ask him to wait.”

“Well, I’m not saying to ask him to be chaste until the end of filming or anything. Just tell him how you feel and ask if he’d want to do anything after filming wraps. At least then it’s out there and not eating you up.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Natalie snorted, then placed her mug on the table between them and came over the stretch out alongside him. He scooted over to give her more room, then wrapped an arm around her back while she laid her cheek on his chest.

“Well, you have my permission to try, if you feel it’s right. Sometimes you think too much,” she said, stroking a thumb along his ribs.

“I’m just being careful.”

“I know, and I love that about you, believe me. You’ve got to do what feels right.”

The trouble was, he had to figure out what felt right. After a while, he said quietly, “I think you’d like him, you know.”

“Yeah?” Her voice was a little sleepy and very contented.

“Yeah. He makes me laugh, he’s thoughtful – well, he was before all this started. And he’s really freaking hot when he’s floating around in subspace.”

Natalie made a noise that was most definitely interested in that image. “You mean that one night you took him home from the bar?”

Karl nodded. The image of Chris in his bed - drowsy and contented and his expression and body completely open to letting Karl take care of him - hadn’t left him. He sometimes caught himself imagining it while watching Chris on set, or while lying alone in bed at night. “You remember the way he looked in that scene in Princess Diaries, at the end when he finally submitted to Mia? Like that, only better because it was real. I want to see what it takes to make him look like that again.”

Natalie shifted, rubbing against him. “You think he’d be open to having two domms for a night?”

“Maybe.” Karl grinned. “He strikes me as the insatiable type, so that might just work out.”

“Tell me what you think he’d like,” Natalie said.

Her voice took on that particular throaty purr it did when she was coming over toppy. Karl loved that sound, loved seeing the differences in her when she was subbing and topping. He wouldn’t sub to her or anyone, it just wasn’t how he was built, but he’d always encouraged her to express that side of herself to him. She was beautiful in every way to him. This may not be anything Chris would want, and that was fine. But Karl would love to see him between them, and there was no harm in exploring the idea for a while.

“Apparently he likes to be beaten really fucking hard,” Karl started, aware that his own voice was a growl and loving the way it made Natalie rub against him even harder.