pslasher

Chapter 11

Chris spotted him right away when he first stepped into the bar. He turned at the noise of the door and his gaze caught on Karl’s, completely unreadable, before he turned back to talking out the scene with J. J. Karl took up a spot near the back, behind the video village of cameras and out of the flow of traffic, hoping that no one would tell him to go away. The bar was not that big to begin with, and it was even smaller with all their equipment piled into it.

Karl didn't even know why he was there. He wasn’t required for the scene at all. In fact, he wasn’t required at all today on the lot, and certainly not required at this bar that was twenty minutes down the road from the lot. He’d popped in to watch like they sometimes did during another actor’s scenes on the lot when they weren’t needed elsewhere. He was well aware that it was unusual for someone to show up to watch a scene when the shooting was done on location - but Chris hadn’t responded to any of his texts or calls for the last two days and Karl couldn’t keep sitting idly at home going crazy thinking about what Chris was thinking about. And with Chris dressed up in his leather jacket and smirk, he wasn’t going anywhere unless someone told him to leave.

J. J. eventually called for places and Chris, Zoe, and the other ‘cadets’ took their spots. It was interesting watching Chris turn his charm on Zoe. It wasn’t quite like Chris in real life – he was a little more cocky and assertive as Kirk, not quite the goofy, charming guy he usually was – but it was close enough to feel real. It probably looked great on J. J.’s monitor but it didn’t sit right with Karl. He knew they were only acting, that Zoe had a submissive and Chris would never act that way towards her in real life. He just didn’t like seeing Chris flirt with other people, no matter the situation.

With a shock Karl realized he was jealous of Zoe, and feeling completely possessive over Chris. He’d never expected to have that reaction – in fact, he’d always thought it was complete bullshit the way tops in Hollywood expected their subs to stop acting whenever they were collared. It was a minority group of collared subs that continued acting, which Karl had always thought was a senseless waste. What top couldn’t tell the difference between someone acting onscreen and being truly unfaithful? And who just demanded their submissive give up their career just because they’d been collared?

And yet here he was, irrationally jealous of a friend whom he knew had a committed collared sub and who would never betray his trust by hitting on his submissive. He should leave and let them work, stop watching so he could maintain some peace of mind and not torture himself with thoughts he didn’t want, but he couldn’t seem to walk away.

It was a relief when they finally moved on to the fight scenes with the other cadets. Chris looked fucking amazing while fighting. His shoulders were strong and broad while he blocked the blows from Cupcake and the other cadets, his hips and legs shifting his stance to duck and throw punches. He was strong and graceful, and there was a certain beauty in seeing him go from talking thoughtfully with J.J. to being the cocky bastard provoking a fight and getting his ass kicked. Karl had to admit that he winced every time one of the other guys laid hands on Chris or took a swing at him, though.

Chris had snuck glances at him periodically during his takes with Zoe but didn’t seem to pay any attention to Karl during the fight scene, too busy focusing on his choreography. While setting up for his scene with Bruce, though, Chris caught his gaze – and it was a heated, hungry gaze that had no place in the scene he was about to shoot.

His eyes lingered on Karl long enough for Karl to feel his body respond – fists clenching from the need to touch, posture straightening against the wall he was leaning on, gaze sharpening on his target. Then Chris licked his lips, a deliberate swipe of tongue that Karl tracked with his eyes, and turned back to Bruce. He widened the slouch of his legs under the table, and when it came time to give his lines his voice was pitched just the barest bit lower than normal.

Chris had the silly tissues stuck up his nose, but it didn’t even matter. Karl got hard from imagining what else that tongue could do. From imagining Chris with come and blood smeared on that pretty mouth, licking it off for Karl. Imagining that when he kissed Chris he would taste bitter with the tang of salt and iron – and Chris knew it. His mouth had a satisfied twist that he’d gotten under Karl’s skin.

Karl bit his tongue and made himself relax back against the wall. This wasn’t the time or place, and Chris needed to focus. He couldn’t relax, though. Chris kept glancing back at him at every opportunity, not even trying to hide it, and some of the crew were starting to look back at Karl, too. And it was impossible to hide Karl’s own responses with Chris draped over the table looking like fuckable bruise porn. Especially licking his lips while glancing over at Karl every other second.

“Cut!” J. J. yelled. “Chris, can you stop oozing sex all over my scene just long enough for me to get it in the can? If you wouldn’t mind, you know, we’d like to wrap this up and move on, yeah?”

J. J. looked pointedly back at Karl and Karl wanted the floor to open up under him in mortification. He nodded tightly and made his way quietly through the maze of lights, cables, people and boxes to the back of the bar. He stepped outside and took a deep breath. He had to get control of himself. Chris could parade in front of him naked and it shouldn't matter. He was a top, goddammit, and he was supposed to be able to control himself.

He pulled the pack of Marlboro’s and lighter out of his back pocket and sighed. He'd stopped years ago when he’d collared Natalie, but he may as well admit that he’d started again. It was either try and focus everything on the smoke on his tongue and the burn of the cherry in the dark, or pace like a maniac while his mind whirled through images of Chris on his knees in front of him. Or Chris wearing his collar with a lead attached. Or Chris licking Karl's come off his lips with that hot swipe of tongue.

Christ. His fingers tapped a tense rhythm on his thigh, and the distraction of another smoke wasn't working.

"You still smoking that shit?" Chris stepped casually out into the alley, eyeing Karl's Marlboro Light critically. He still had his stage blood on, but at least he didn’t have the tissues up his nose anymore.

He was absolutely the last person Karl wanted to see. Especially in this alley with no one else around as he pulled his pack of American Spirits out of his back pocket.

"Doesn't J.J. have you redoing that scene again?" Karl had counted on the endless retakes to give himself at least a while out here alone to cool off.

"Nah, he called print on that after two more takes. Didn't take as long as usual, but you've been out here a while." Chris bent his head and lit up. "You know that shit's got rat poison in it, right?" Chris pointed, the pristine tobacco cigarette dangling from between his lips an uppity dig at Karl's choice.

"Fuck you, Pine. It's what they had." And just like that the tension was back.

Chris took a slow drag, eyes locked on Karl's, the dim light casting a shadow across his face that outlined his nose and the smirk on his lips. "Fuck me, huh? Yeah, unfortunately there isn’t any of that going on here.”

Karl had a sudden urge to wipe that smirk off Chris' face that was so strong that he actually took a step towards him before he realized what he was doing. He deliberately lent back against his part of the wall.

"Don't push me, boy," he said in a low voice. "You've got no right to provoke a top you don't plan to get involved with." He meant to turn around and leave, to leave Chris alone entirely, but he couldn’t pull his gaze away from the brilliant blue of Chris' eyes in the glare of the streetlight.

"Who says I don't plan to get involved with you?" The smirk was gone, replaced with open desire as he looked Karl up and down. "And what gives you the right to come sniffing around like some alpha male if you aren't gonna do anything about it?"

Karl took a last, long drag on his Marlboro, the space between them taut with sizzling energy. Chris barely seemed to breathe, cigarette forgotten between his fingers as he watched Karl exhale. Karl dropped the butt and snuffed it out with his heel and stepped over to Chris, reaching out to grab his short hair and jerk his head back to expose his neck. He bent to brush his lips across Chris' throat, and Chris' indrawn breath above his ear sent a thrill through him.

Chris smelled like cologne and warm leather, and Karl had to taste him. The soft skin just under his jaw was salty and warm, and Chris' pulse jumped under his tongue. Breath dragged through his throat as Karl bit and sucked lightly, just enough to bring pink to the surface, for long enough that Chris's breathing sped up and he had to be feeling the strain of his head being forced back. Chris whined a little, and Karl moved his mouth to his ear and bit sharply.

"Is this what you wanted, Chris?" He whispered.

"Yes, Sir." Chris' reply a breathy moan that went straight to Karl's cock. He pulled back, rubbing his cheek against Chris' in a bright rasp of stubble, to swipe his tongue over Chris' bottom lip, biting at it before pulling back.

The pupils in Chris' eyes were blown so wide there was barely any blue left, and he was sucking on his lip like he could taste the bite Karl had left there. "Say it again, boy," he growled, one hand tightening in Chris' hair and the other sliding possessively down the leather of his jacket to grip his hip.

"Please kiss me, sir." He looked so, so good with his mouth begging and his head tilted just right, and Karl did.

He licked inside, fucked Chris wide open with deep swipes of his tongue. He bit and sucked, and Chris tasted like tobacco and gum. Karl relaxed his hand in his hair, slid down to cup the back of his head so Karl could hold him like he wanted, while he slid the other hand up under Chris' jacket and t-shirt. His skin was warm and firm, and the muscles of his back flexed under his palm as Chris thrust against his hips.

Chris whined sharply against Karl’s mouth and thrust again against him, his arms coming up frantic and urgent around Karl’s shoulders to drag himself closer to Karl’s mouth.

“Easy, boy,” Karl whispered, pulling Chris to him more firmly with the hand on his back and licking deeper. Chris slowly settled down and opened up under his grip. It was sweet and thrilling, and after a time Karl realized that he has a hand under Chris' thigh pulling his leg around Karl's hip, and the other hand holding him steady while he devoured him.

But they were still in public, and Karl shouldn't be doing this. It took every ounce of his control to take his hands off Chris' body and place his palms on the wall behind Chris. He pushed away from Chris', but Chris lent forward to follow his mouth and Karl just couldn’t break the kiss. His lips lingered even after he was no longer touching Chris anywhere else, just nibbling on Chris’ lower lip.

He didn't want to stop at this, goddamnit. The desire to push Chris to the ground and open him up was coursing through him like his body might do it anyway even without his permission. The soft little moans and the way Chris went pliant beneath him just added fuel to the fire.

Karl made himself focus, think - he needed to turn around and leave right now. With a growl he bit hard at Chris' bottom lip. Chris gave a breathy little gasp and jerked back.

"Oh God, Karl." Chris looked wrecked and needy, and Karl had made him look like that. Karl stepped back before he could change his mind, but Chris followed him. He dropped to his knees gracefully in front of Karl, and before Karl could do anything to stop him, leaned forward on his hands and rubbed his cheek across the front of Karl's trousers.

He groaned out, “Oh fuck” without meaning to. Chris looked up, nose rubbing up the ridge of Karl's cock, and god, he looked perfect on his knees for Karl.

Slowly, obscenely deliberate, Chris licked up the curve of his cock pressed against the zipper of his trousers, the press of his tongue through the fabric making Karl hiss. Chris went for Karl's zipper with his teeth and Karl realized he intended to unzip him and blow him right there in the alley. For one heartstopping moment Karl thought he might let Chris do it, might finally get that talented tongue on him. But then his sense kicked in and he grabbed Chris' hair and pulled him away.

Chris' mouth was open and he was panting, shaking his head a little like he wanted to get loose from Karl's grasp and go back to his cock.

"Stop it, Chris," Karl commanded. Chris fell still and looked up at him. "What are you doing?"

A flash of hurt crossed his face, then turned to frustration. "Throwing myself at you in a way you can't possibly miss, since apparently subtle doesn't work with you."

“This has been you being subtle this whole time?” Karl asked, and couldn’t keep the incredulity from edging into his voice.

“Yes, for all the good it did me. I may as well have just thrown myself at your feet on day one, it may have gone better. What did you think I was doing?”

“Being confusing as hell,” Karl said, giddy hope bleeding into his voice despite his continued need to guard his heart. Chris opened his mouth to speak but Karl pushed on. “Listen to me, Chris. I can’t be casual with you, not anymore. What I want is my collar on your neck, nothing short of that.”

Chris’ mouth slowly closed as his eyes widened.

Karl let go of Chris’ hair so he could slide his hand down to cup Chris’ jaw and rub his thumb over Chris’ cheek. “Exactly. You need to understand that it’s that serious for me before you make any more decisions.”

“I know you’re the possessive type, and that you don’t fuck around.” Chris said. “I’ve known that from the beginning. It’s why I didn’t throw myself at your feet on day one. I’m ready for that.”

Karl’s breath caught. Chris looked eager and hopeful and it took everything Karl had not to just take him back to his place. “Obviously we need to talk about this, but this is not the time and you can’t just make this kind of decision on impulse. Just know that if you come back to me wanting to sub for me everything we do would be leading up to that. If you want it. I mean, it wouldn’t happen right away, you’d have time to decide if it would work for you, and if Natalie is someone you could love too because I won’t do anything that doesn’t include her. But I’m done with casual with you.”

“I’m not being impulsive,” Chris said.

He reached up to grab Karl’s hand, but Karl stepped back out of the way, letting his hand drop from Chris’ face. Karl’s self control was strained to its limit and if Chris touched him it would all be over. He’d take him home and claim him, good intentions be damned, and Karl didn’t want it to happen like that.

“You need to go back to work and I need to go home and talk to my submissive,” Karl said as gently as he could. “I’m leaving in a few hours to fly home for a short leave, but when I come back we are talking about this. Okay?”

Chris’ hand fell to his thigh and he looked more uncertain than he had earlier. “All right.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Karl said. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

Chris rolled his eyes, but it was halfhearted. Karl made himself turn around and leave. He knew he shouldn't leave Chris like this, needing and vulnerable to the next top that came around. Every instinct he had was screaming at him to make Chris submit and make him his, and then take him home and care for him. He texted Zoe while he was walking back to his car.

Hey, look out for Chris. We just sort of talked and he may not be completely focused.

Her response was prompt, and Karl thought she’d probably been watching the back door since Chris walked out.

Everything go ok?

Nothing’s resolved, but I told him how I feel. I think it went ok but he’s likely to be a bit worked up. I’m leaving tonight for home, watch him while I’m gone?

Sure thing. Be safe, and Merry Christmas.

Thanks. You too.

Later, looking out the airplane window with the lights of the city spread out and falling away from him in a brilliant patchwork, the enormity of what had just happened with Chris hit him. Collaring Chris so soon would be a very emotional thing to do, and he was being every bit as impulsive as he’d cautioned Chris not to be. He was the plan-everything-out type. He’d known Natalie for over a year before putting a training collar on her, and had spent months developing their relationship further before proposing marriage. He’d known Chris for mere months by comparison and he didn’t know what the hell had gotten into him to even be thinking seriously about this. But the alternative – not even trying – was even worse than being impulsive. Karl turned his head into the pillow and tried to sleep.

Note: I stole a few things from Thalialunacy: the Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and American Spirits cigarettes, the Frat Boy comment, and the “My mom’s not here, I do what I want!” line. Much love to her for all the inspiration over the years.

Chapter 9

“Do you drink anything besides PBR?” Karl asked, grabbing a bottle of water from Chris’ fridge. He cracked it open and lent against the counter, watching as Chris wolfed down a couple of slices of pizza and his own water.

He shrugged. “I like it, it’s what I buy. Why is it a thing everybody finds so amusing?”

“Nothing, frat boy,” Karl murmured, grinning. “So, how was shooting in Bakersfield?”

“Eh, another round of hotels and driving and shooting in weird locations. Like last time, only this time I had to be up at like two in the morning for a five am call time.” He made an adorable yucky face that would have rivaled Karl’s boys. “Though it was cool to be able to film outside again, I haven’t done that in a long time. Bakersfield is pretty in the dawn light, and I got to imagine being Kirk out on the lonely road pondering my future,” he said, pretending to rev a motorcycle and making throaty noises.

“Sounds like a good time. Shooting went well?”

“Yeah, everything went pretty smoothly. I managed to find someone to Dom me the third night out, so I had pretty good focus and energy the whole time.”

Karl paused with his water bottle halfway to his mouth. “Oh? Who was that?”

“A chick I met at dinner the night before. She was real chill, kinda like you. We didn’t do anything too crazy, but she had a good vibe so I was able to go down pretty well.” He grinned over at Karl. “You’re right, you know. I do better when I’m more consistent with finding a partner.”

Karl took a swallow of water to cover his sudden irritation. It should make him happy to hear that Chris was looking out for his needs better since he’d lectured him on it enough, but strangely it didn’t. Instead, he suddenly had a knot between his shoulder blades that didn’t ease out when he rolled his shoulders. “I’m glad you were able to keep focused on filming like you needed to,” he said, which was true enough.

“She did this thing with her tongue-“ he cut off and waggled his eyebrows.

Karl had to force his hand to relax so he didn’t crush his bottle. He set it carefully to the side, nodding as if he cared about this chick that had apparently done things to Chris he never had.

“Anyway, a good time was had by all, and J. J. hasn’t bitched at me in weeks about keeping focused so I’m happy. It was a good trip.”

“That’s good,” Karl said inanely when he couldn’t find anything else to say. “Eat your pizza.”

Chris rolled his eyes, but finished up the rest. He looked relaxed and eager, full of positive energy from the road trip but not this side of manic like he got if he’d gone weeks without being taken down. Karl had no reason to get his hackles raised over another Dom being with Chris; their agreement was specifically not exclusive. The thing was, Chris had been coming to him more and more over the last few weeks since they shot in Fairfield. Lately they saw each other every weekend and usually once in the middle of the week, and for the most part Karl was pretty sure Chris didn’t have time to see anyone else in between. At some point he’d started thinking he was the only Dom in Chris’ life and he’d really liked it; hearing otherwise was like a slap in the face, even though it was never an assumption he’d had a right to make.

He headed over to Chris’ living room so he could get some space. He took a few deep breaths and shook his hands out to release the tension, and when he was ready he looked over Chris’ set-up. The brown and black leather floggers were out again, along a blindfold, and the blue hemp rope. Chris had asked for Shibari bondage several times since that first evening. He really did seem to enjoy it once he got over his initial anxiety with it.

Chris finished tidying up the kitchen and followed Karl in, pulling his shirt up over his head and dropping it on the couch.

“Blindfold is new,” Karl commented.

Chris nodded. “I haven’t done that in a long time, bondage with a blindfold. I used to like it, the way not being able to see heightened the anticipation so much, made it so much better. I wanted to try it with you, see if I still felt that way. Since I know I can trust you.”

Karl blinked. It never failed to amaze him when Chris said stuff like that. He never quite knew how to respond. “Sure, we can try it,” he said, smiling.

Chris smiled back, the genuine, eye-crinkling smile that so rarely came out in public but which made Karl’s stomach dip every time Chris directed it at him. Right about then he’d do anything Chris asked for.

Chris stripped out of the rest of his clothes – he’d long since lost any shyness he may have had about being naked in front of Karl, even though they didn’t always strip completely for everything – and knelt on the pillow by the couch.

“Start with the bondage?” Karl asked, holding up the rope. When Chris nodded Karl brought it and the blindfold over and sat on the couch so they were closer to eye level. “How do you want to do it?”

“In back so you can bend me over the couch and whip me, Sir,” Chris said.

Karl had to use all his control not to get hard at the request. He cleared his throat. “Blindfold now or later?”

“Now please, Sir.”

Karl leaned forward and slipped it over Chris’ head, running his thumbs along the bottom edge and the elastic to make sure it was positioned correctly, trying not to linger on Chris’ face. “Comfortable? Do you feel okay?”

“Yes, Sir, I’m fine.”

“Tell me right away if it’s too much, I’ll take it off.”

Chris smiled an amused half smile. “I know you will, that’s why I’m doing it with you and not someone else. Despite popular opinion I’m not a complete dumbass in this arena.”

“Don’t get cocky now. We don’t have to do anything at all tonight.”

Chris wiped the smile off his face and said quickly, “No, Sir.”

“Very good,” Karl murmured. If Chris were his he’d punish him for his smart mouth by gagging him, but he wasn’t. It was hard lately to hold back on the impulse to go that extra step and truly claim Chris in the ways he wanted to, especially when he said things like that that implied more trust than Karl thought he really meant.

Karl moved around behind Chris and positioned his hands how he wanted them – bent at the elbow and each hand grasping the opposite forearm – and began the process of building a shoulder harness that would also hold his arms where Karl had placed them. As always, the rope and the feel of Chris’ skin calmed him, letting that satisfying feeling of control bloom in his mind and wind through his chest and body.

When he was satisfied it was secure he rested his palms on Chris’ shoulders. “Not too much? You doing ok with the blindfold?”

“I’m good, Sir,” Chris said, and his voice had that ever-so-slight slur that meant he was starting to go down. “It’s good, like I remember it. Just feeling the rope, feeling contained right here where you put me, how you want me.” He flexed against the rope, feeling it’s boundaries against his skin and body the way submissives did when they were enjoying their bondage and were trying to sharpen the feeling. “Makes me feel like I’m yours. Want to feel like this all the time.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut and the desire to bite and mark Chris’ neck slammed into him. “Oh, damn,” Karl muttered, and lent forward so his forehead rested between Chris’ shoulder blades. The words echoed in his head - I’m yours, all the time. His hands flexed on Chris’ shoulders and he wanted to push Chris down and make him beg Karl to claim him. His hands shook with the effort of keeping himself from that.

He wanted that, he wanted it more than anything right now, more than he’d even really let himself know, and to hear Chris say it right there where Karl could act on it and do anything he wanted to Chris made him feel like the bottom had just dropped out of his world. Did Chris really mean it? Was he just half-drunk on endorphins and saying whatever felt like the right thing to say to keep the scene going how he wanted it to? He didn’t know Chris’ motives and couldn’t trust himself to act correctly without all the information he needed, not with his own need to dominate surging within him.

“Baseball,” Karl said, the word coming out shaky. He started untying the knots he’d just finished, his movements turning a little frantic when he couldn’t get them undone fast enough.

Chris turned his head a little, though he couldn’t see, and said in a confused voice, “What?”

“Baseball,” Karl said. “I have to stop.” He pulled the last knot free and pulled the blindfold off Chris and slid back away across the floor a few feet. He got his phone out of his pocket and dialed Zoe’s number.

“What’s wrong,” Chris said, face full of concern as he turned around and crawled across the floor to Karl, reaching out to touch his knee.

“Don’t,” Karl said, a little sharper than he’d intended. He put his hand out to stop Chris from touching him just as Zoe picked up.

“Hey, Karl, how’s it going?”

“Are you available to come to Chris’ house right now? It’s urgent.”

“Yeah, Zach and I are actually at dinner not too far away,” Zoe said, her voice turning serious. “We can be there in fifteen.”

“What the hell’s going on? What’s wrong,” Chris asked, his expression half way to panicked.

“Come right now,” Karl said and thumbed the call off. “I’m fine, Chris. I’m not hurt, it’s fine.”

“Like hell it is. I tell you I’m having a good time and you suddenly lose it? What the fuck, man?”

“Is that all you meant, that you were having a good time?”

“What?” Confusion washed across his face.

“You heard me. Answer the question.”

“Of course I was having a good time. You’re the one who safeworded, not me.”

Karl lent forward and grabbed Chris by the back of the head and caught Chris’ gaze in a hard stare. “You said it made you want to be mine all the time. Did you mean it? Tell me the truth, Chris, or I swear to God-“ he cut himself off and loosened his hand where it had tightened too hard on Chris’ head.

A look of comprehension dawned on Chris’ face. “Is that what this is about? I tell you, finally, that I like the relationship we have and you wig out like this?”

The problem was they didn’t have a relationship. They were fuck buddies – without the fucking - and he had just realized he was in love with Chris, full on head over heels, and fuck buddies wasn’t good enough. Karl took a sharp, hard breath and then another, willing his hands to stop shaking. “Are you hurt at all? Are you okay mentally? I mean, not still in subspace or anything.”

“No, you knocked me out of that pretty good. I’m not in subspace, I’m not hurt, I just don’t understand what the fuck is going on with you.”

Karl let Chris go and stood up, pulling his shoes on by the front door. “I just need a minute. Come get me if you need anything. Seriously.” He saw Chris’ pack of cigarettes and lighter that were sitting on the front hall table and swiped them as he went outside.

He lit up and took a deep drag. He hadn’t smoked in years, but the calming nicotine rush hadn’t changed in all that time. He paced a tight circle by the door, then another, trying to get his breathing to slow and his stomach to stop feeling like it was on a roller coaster ride. It didn’t work. By the time he saw lights coming up the road he was on his second cigarette and was if anything feeling worse. He headed down the front walk to meet them in the driveway.

“Is someone hurt,” Zach asked, opening the door and getting out before Zoe even had the car fully in park.

“Chris is inside. He’s not hurt, he’s fine. Go check on him though.”

Zoe got out and came around the car to him. “Karl, what’s wrong? You look like shit, don’t tell me you’re fine.”

“I-“ Karl started, but then didn’t know what to say. ‘I’m in love with Chris and he doesn’t love me back’ seemed so incredibly stupid and he suddenly felt like a complete asshole for losing his shit so thoroughly. Instead, he just muttered, “Jesus,” and took another drag.

“I didn’t even know you smoked,” Zoe said. She plucked the cigarette from his fingers and dropped it on the grass, snubbing it out.

“I don’t,” Karl said helplessly. “Not anymore.”

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Her voice was soft and sympathetic, not judgmental, and he sort of broke.

“I think I fell in love with him, and I just realized it, and I can’t keep doing this halfway thing anymore when he doesn’t feel the same way.” He slumped back against the car, leaning his head back so he could stare at the unfeeling sky and not have to see her face.

“You just realized it?”

“He said I make him feel good and like he wants to be mine all the time and I want him, Zoe. I want my collar on his neck and I want him to be mine every second of every day, for real. None of this scene shit twice a week and then he just goes on his way like nothing happened. He said that and I realized I can’t do that anymore-“ He cut himself off. He was breathing too harshly and was mortified to find his eyes were stinging. He lent forward and put his hands on his knees and just breathed.

Moments later Zoe rubbed a firm hand over his shoulders. “I know how you feel, I feel the same about Zach. I wanted to tie him down for a week when I first realized I was in love with him. I want to throttle all the people who have to touch him for work. It’s hard sometimes, dealing with it.” She paused, then asked delicately, “Why do you think he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Because he said he likes our relationship the way it is,” Karl said miserably.

“Oh.” Zoe rubbed his back for a while and Karl found himself relaxing by increments. “This isn’t really my place, but you really need to talk to him about this. I think you may be misunderstanding him.”

Karl laughed, but it was short and harsh. “Not much to misunderstand there.”

“You know trust is hard for him. Even if he hasn’t told you I know you’ve picked up on it, you’re too good a Dom not to have seen it. Just talk to him and give him some time to sort it out.”

Karl rubbed a hand over his face. “I know, I will. Just not tonight. I can’t deal with that right now.”

Zoe nodded. “Does Natalie know?”

Karl stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. She’s encouraged me to do what feels right, but this is more than just helping out a friend or having a summer fling. This could change everything and I don’t really know how to dump that on his lap without him freaking out.”

Zoe’s mouth twisted wryly. “He’s not the only one freaking out, to be fair.”

Karl huffed a laugh. “That’s true. God, I feel like such an idiot right now.”

“Don’t. You know scenes can be intense, and even more so when there are deep feelings involved. Why do you think we spend so much time negotiating and discussing safe words and limits and stuff? We talk about protecting the submissive a lot, but dominants need just as much care.” She bumped his shoulder lightly. “You know all that, you’re just overwhelmed.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Karl muttered.

“Look, if you can’t deal with him tonight I’ll go get your stuff and bring it out - if you promise to talk to him at the party tomorrow. Can’t leave my boy hanging for too long.”

“I will,” Karl said, and he jabbed her lightly with his elbow. “And he’s not your boy.”

“Hmm, touche,” Zoe murmured, and walked off to the house.

Chapter 7

“Alright folks,” J.J. called from behind the camera. “We’re set up, positions please!”

Karl and Chris took their place beside the little green computer screen. When J. J. called action Karl tried to keep up his serious doctor face while he did his wave-the-scanner-around-Kirk’s-head routine like he’d been doing all day while they ran up and down one fake hallway after another.

“We have to stop the ship,” Chris said, grabbing Karl’s face and pulling him close so fast Karl lost his balance and stumbled into him, hands coming up to Chris’ waist to catch himself while his eyes caught on Chris’ bright blue gaze right before they bumped noses.

“Oh god, sorry!” Karl said before hastily backing up and out of Chris’ space and turning to J. J. “Sorry about that!” This was the third time the scene had been botched for stupid reasons and Karl really, really wanted to move on so he could get away from Chris.

“It’s all right. You just want my big hands all over you,” Chris said, lightly slapping his prosthetic hand against Karl’s face.

Karl batted him away, trying hard not to stare him down and say, ‘No, what I really want are my hands on you, fingering you open so I can fuck you.’ Instead, he just rolled his eyes and said, “Size jokes? Are we still twelve?”

The thing was, it was starting to get to him. They were filming the scenes where Bones snuck Kirk onboard the Enterprise and then went tearing through the halls after Kirk. Apparently this required he touch Chris constantly to jab him with hypos, and ‘take readings’ of his allergic reactions, and put his hand over Chris’ when he started absently picking at the prosthetic hands for the tenth time. Chris had started the day by handing him a Lamil’s coffee with a wink, doctored exactly how he liked it, and then had been in his personal space since they’d stepped on set. Karl had intended to keep things professional but as distant as he could so as not to make Chris feel uncomfortable. Instead, he practically got a lapful of bouncing Chris Pine that wouldn’t leave him alone, and he still wasn’t sure how he should be dealing with it. He was relieved when J. J. was happy with the next take and Karl was told to disappear until he was called back for shooting the next scene.

“Hey, ready to jab me some more?” Chris asked, throwing his arm around Karl’s shoulders as they both approached the Medical Bay set again.

Karl had hoped that the break apart – Chris to get his fake hands removed, Karl in his trailer Skyping with his family and trying to forget all about Chris – would have lessened the tension, but it didn’t. Chris was grinning just as eagerly as before and Karl had placed his hand on Chris’ back to draw him in closer without even thinking about it.

“I think we’re done with the jabbing for today,” Karl said, before pulling away and ushering Chris onto the set before him so he could get some space.

When J. J. called for places Chris and Karl took theirs outside the Medical bay doors. Chris hooked his arm over Karl’s shoulders again. He was warm and close enough for Karl to smell his cologne, and it felt alarmingly natural to wrap his arm around his waist to pull him close.

“You can jab me anytime you like,” Chris said, squeezing Karl’s shoulders a little. His voice was pitched low and warm, and Karl got half hard right as J. J. called action.

It threw him off for the rest of the take, though he managed not to botch it. The day didn’t get any better, but why should he have thought it would? The whole scene with Bones half carrying a drugged Kirk into Medical meant Chris was literally hanging off him for the next few hours, warm and pliable while Karl manhandled him around. Karl was relieved beyond words when J. J. finally let them go for the day, only to be cornered by Chris on his way out.

“Want to grab a drink tonight?”

Karl paused, surprised by the question. Chris hadn’t called him for days after Karl stopped pestering him for updates on how he was feeling after their time together, and Karl had assumed he hadn’t had much interest in keeping up the relationship.

Chris’ face fell a bit and he hastily said, “We don’t have to if you’ve got plans or something. No biggie.”

Karl was still a little hard from having his hands all over Chris. The last thing he needed was to complicate things even further with alcohol and bro time. He cleared his throat. “No, I’d like to, it’s just that tonight’s not a good night. Uh, rain check?”

“Yeah, sure. We’ll talk later or something.”

He waved and walked off. His expression had been cheerful, but Karl thought there may have been some lingering disappointment. It made him a little hopeful there may actually be some sort of a relationship in the future.

~~~

Things got better after that. They did get that drink, and though it was awkward at first pretty soon they fell back into a comfortable pattern. The next time Chris came to him as a submissive was while they were filming on an away location, at the Budweiser plant in Fairfield.

The ride up was tedious, but made better with Chris’ company to laugh at his stupid jokes. They were on the road for almost seven hours, the longest time they’d spent together in close proximity, and they’d talked about everything from Chris’ highschool dream of playing pro baseball to what made their Kirk and McCoy different from Shatner and Kelly’s.

They’d hauled their luggage up to their hotel rooms when Chris paused at his door, right next to Karl’s. “Want to come over? We’ve got a couple of hours before turning in.”

“Let me dump my stuff and I’ll be over.”

Chris opened the door right after Karl knocked. He had a cigarette dangling from his lip. “I’m about to light one up outside. Coming out?”

Karl shrugged and followed Chris onto the tiny balcony that overlooked the parking lot. At least it had two chairs. “Fancy digs they have us holed up in.”

Chris lit up, then blew smoke away from Karl. “Brad Pitt we are not, my friend. We’re lucky they hired up for the job at all.”

Karl snorted. Truth was truth, though. He made a decent living, but he’d never been a real movie star. “Have you seen the way the paps follow him around? Not sure I’d be up to that.”

Chris laughed. “Has Zach never sent you any of the pap photos of us? He loves to send me the ones where they get me going for coffee at ass-o’clock and critique my ‘look.’ As if anyone has a look before they’ve fully woken up.”

“Yeah, rocking the white tee-shirt every morning isn’t a choice or anything. Not at all.”

“Hey, don’t you start. I get enough of that from Zach and my mom, thanks.”

Karl smiled and slouched down in his chair, angling his body so he could stretch his legs out. He bumped his foot against Chris’. “You antsy or something? This is your third in an hour.”

Chris exhaled and tapped his ash over the railing, shrugging a little. “Long car ride. And it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been with anyone.”

Karl stilled. They’d talked about everything under the sun since they’d started talking again – except this. He was keeping his voice casual, but now that Karl was looking he could see the tension in Chris’ jaw. He’d spent the whole ride up relishing Chris’ company yet trying not to cross whatever shifting line Chris had about getting too personal. He hadn’t noticed the tension because he’d done his best to keep his eyes off Chris as much as possible; lingering gazes only served to frustrate his libido.

“Unable to find anyone?” Karl asked quietly.

“We’ve been busy. I hadn’t really felt like hitting the scene, you know? Mostly just crashed at home.”

Karl winced at the idea of a needy Chris sprawled out on the couch, too exhausted to go out and find what he needed. “I wish you’d called. I told you I’d help you out when you needed it.”

Chris looked over at him through narrowed eyes while he pulled on his cig then blew it out slowly. “I didn’t want to impose. We’ve all been shooting those long Bridge shots, you’ve been tired too.”

“It’s not an imposition when you’ve been invited. Besides, you know your shot list is heavier than mine is anyway. I would have done it for you.” He sat up in his chair and scooted it back as far as it would go, and moved the little table between them out of the way. “Come here,” he said, motioning for Chris to kneel in front of him.

Chris regarded him for a long moment before slowly stubbing out his cigarette and then coming to kneel in front of Karl. Karl reached out and traced the faint frowning crease between Chris’ brows.

“You’re no good to anyone if you’re a worn out mess. You have to take care of yourself. This is just as important as eating and sleeping.” Chris snorted softly and Karl wrapped his hand around the back of Chris’ neck and squeezed the tense muscles there. Chris groaned and dropped his head forward so Karl could dig his fingers in better. “You see what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Chris said in a voice already drowsy. “You offering something tonight or just teasing?”

“If I tease you you’ll know it,” Karl said. “Of course I’m offering. What do you need?”

Chris shook his head and pushed back into Karl’s hand. “I don’t know, just something to put me to sleep.”

Karl stilled his hand. “Look at me, Chris.” Chris looked up, expression halfway to relaxed but suddenly a little wary. “Anything you don’t want tonight?”

“Nothing too extreme. I just want to go to sleep and sleep for a week. Maybe just a spanking?”

“If that’s what you want that’s what we’ll do. What’s your safeword?”

Chris raised a wry eyebrow. “I think I can handle a spanking.”

Karl squeezed his neck hard. “You’ll use it if you need it no matter how light our activity, or I won’t Dom you. Understood?”

“Yes,” Chris said quickly.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Sir,” Chris said.

“Very good,” Karl said, stroking his thumb soothingly up the back of his neck. “Now what is it?”

“Baseball.”

“Go inside and strip and kneel on the bed.”

Chris scrambled up to comply and Karl got up to search in the bathroom for a little travel bottle of lotion. When he came out Chris was kneeling nicely at the foot of the bed with his palms on his thighs, knees apart. His gaze caught on the bottle and widened a little. No doubt he thought Karl intended something sexual with the lotion, and he smothered a smile at the thought. He walked around to the headboard and Chris twisted around to look back at him.

“No one gave you permission to move,” Karl said, his voice sliding into that deeper, firmer Dominant register with the words.

Chris turned back around quickly. “Sorry, Sir,” he said quickly.

It felt good to feel the powerful headspace settling in. It was sometimes hard for him to get there while Skyping with Natalie because of the physical distance. Having a submissive kneeling for him in the flesh was a luxury he intended to enjoy.

He piled the pillows together against the headboard then kicked off his shoes and settled down on the bed sitting up against the pillows. “Come here, Chris.”

Chris turned and crawled up the bed to him, and god that was a gorgeous sight Karl would never forget: broad, muscled shoulders, narrow hips, cock half hard, and gaze locked on Karl’s. It almost made him decide to use the lotion sexually after all. Except, the erection was probably just an automatic reaction to the anticipation of getting spanked.

He sighed and patted his thigh. “Over my lap.”Chris settled down over his thighs, round ass in the air and his face buried in his crossed arms. Luckily the bed was wide enough for him to fit. Karl ran his hand up Chris’ back to the back of his head and pushed gently until Chris turned his head. “I want to see your face.”

He wanted to be able to gauge Chris’ reactions, but also on a purely selfish level he wanted the pleasure of watching Chris go down. When Chris’ eyes slid shut Karl tapped his cheek.

“Open your eyes. I want you looking at me the whole time until I tell you otherwise. Understood?”

“Understood, Sir,” Chris said quietly. The crease was still there and Karl wondered if direct eye contact was unusual for him.

Karl stroked Chris from nape to waist a few times until his muscles relaxed a little. He settled his hand over Chris’ right butt cheek. “You will count them, and then thank me for each one. Ready?”

Chris nodded and Karl landed the first blow, moderately hard, and then paused.

“One. Thank you, Sir,” Chris said.

His eyes had widened a bit and his butt tensed, but he relaxed quickly. Karl hit the other cheek, and smiled at Chris when he counted and thanked Karl promptly. Chris smiled back just a little bit.

Karl settled into a rhythm, steady enough to build tension but with enough time for Chris to count and thank him. Chris was right, he was exhausted and it didn’t take long before all the tension had drained right out of him and his gaze, though steady throughout, had gone a little unfocused. When the crease had completely disappeared from his brow Karl paused.

“Feeling good, Chris?”

“Yeah, it’s good, Sir,” Chris said, and his words were soft around the edges.

Karl patted Chris’ thigh. “Lift up and lie down on a pillow up here.” He helped Chris up and got his head settled on a pillow up at the head of the bed, making sure to turn back the sheets first. He squirted a good amount of lotion into his hand then rubbed his hands together to warm it before placing his hands on Chris’ shoulders and digging his thumbs into the muscles.

“A massage? When you pulled out the lotion I thought…” He trailed off and Karl grinned.

“You know what they say about assumptions.” Chris hummed, then groaned loudly when Karl hit a particularly tight knot. Karl put both thumbs on the spot, enjoying the positively orgasmic face Chris made as Karl worked him over. “We’ll have you feeling good for tomorrow.”

“Man, you can come over and do this any time you want,” Chris slurred, then stretched and burrowed his face further into the pillow.

Karl moved down his back, Chris moaning the whole way but gradually growing quieter until Karl thought he was about half asleep by the time he hit his waist.

“How are you?” Karl whispered.

“I’m great. Thanks, Karl,” Chris whispered back, eyes shut, lashes a golden smudge across his cheek in the soft light.

Karl hadn’t given Chris permission to let go of protocol, but it didn’t matter. He was happy to see Chris sated and comfortable, and he had the satisfaction of a job well done. He climbed off the bed and pulled the sheet across Chris. “Call me if you need anything,” he said, and at Chris’ nod he pulled on his shoes and let himself out.

Karl slid into the booth next to Chris the morning after at breakfast in the hotel restaurant. “How you feeling?”

“Fantastic,” Chris said, shoving a huge chunk of sausage patty into his mouth. “Slept like the fucking dead.”

Karl rolled his eyes, but smiled privately to himself. He was happy to see Chris looked back to his normal self. “I told you to call me when you needed to,” he said, and stole a sip of Chris’ coffee while he waited for the waiter to make his way over.

“I guess you weren’t just saying the polite thing, huh?”

Karl lent his arms on the table and looked over at Chris. “No, I wasn’t. I wouldn’t mess around like that. I like seeing you relaxed and happy, and I’m happy to help you get there.”

Chris paused and looked at Karl like he was re-evaluating him. “Okay.”

“So stop being a dumbass and acting like I’m going to suddenly whip out a locking collar and demand you kneel at my bed for the rest of your life if you knock on my door. There are no strings attached.”

Chris ducked his head and grinned and shoved a piece of toast into his mouth. “Yeah, okay. I got it,” he said around his mouthful of food, spraying a few crumbs.

Karl reached up and knocked him lightly on the back of the head before laying his arm across the back of the booth. “Manners, Christopher. What would your mom say.”

“My mom’s not here, I do what I want,” he declared, and Karl laughed.

Chapter 5

The doorbell rang promptly at seven thirty, as expected, and Karl opened the door to find Chris. He was slouched on the jam, wearing his typical white tee shirt, black jeans, and converse combo. He straightened up quickly when the door opened.

“Hey, man, come on in,” Karl said. He’d been a little surprised when Chris had asked earlier in the day to come over and talk. They still weren’t friendly like things had been before the incident, but Chris had eventually loosened up and talked to him more. Frankly, Karl was more relieved than anything that Chris had wanted to talk. He couldn’t shake the feelings he had for Chris and the tension was really starting to wear on him.

Chris came inside, toed off his shoes then stood awkwardly by the door with his hands in his pockets, looking everywhere but at Karl. Karl laughed a little to himself; he’d never seen Chris look so nervous.

“Want a beer or anything? I bought PBR for you.”

Chris laughed a little, but it didn’t really sound that humorous. “Sure. Might be a good idea.”

He followed Karl to the kitchen, where he pulled a couple of beers out of the fridge and handed one over. “Table or couch?”

“Table,” Chris said, and they settled down on opposite sides. Chris took a giant swig then lent forward with his elbows on the table and looked directly at Karl. “I need to ask a favor.”

“Anything you need,” Karl said, with a little bit of a knot forming in the pit of his stomach. This didn’t sound like the casual reconciliation he’d been hoping for.

“I need you to top me.”

Karl sat back a little in his chair, his eyebrows coming up. That wasn’t what he had expected at all. He was pretty sure Chris had gotten mostly over being pissed at him, if he was ever pissed at all, because he’d started talking to Karl again, but he hadn’t really expected Chris to ever approach him with that request again based on his response the last time. “Why?”

"Work is…” He trailed off, his gaze dropping to his beer as he turned it round and round in his grasp. “Ultimately it's just me up there in front of the camera, telling a story with my body. I have to have control of my body to do that well, have to be able to express what I need to on demand. I don't have control right now, I feel like I'm about to come out of my skin all the time. I haven't played in weeks and I need to be taken down."

"I know that, Chris." Karl had been noticing for days that Chris was lacking the physical control needed to subtly bring the character to life. He’d wished he could have been able to support him more, like when they first started shooting, but hadn’t felt comfortable offering.

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. You’re restless on set and have trouble sometimes with keeping control of your portrayal of the character. Any decent top could see that you need to be taken in hand. I meant why me?"

"Because I trust you not to screw me over. I'm shooting the Gaila scene with Rachel in two days and I can't afford to have any marks that won't be covered by my underwear. Means I can't just pick someone up like I usually do."

Karl raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You trust me? You got pretty upset the last time we talked about this and it didn’t go the way you wanted.”

Chris looked away, expression turning guilty. “I’m sorry about that. You’re right, it was immature.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, just… I don’t know what you were thinking to make you respond that way.”

Chris shrugged in a way that was probably supposed to be casual, but Karl knew him well enough to see the tension anyway. “It’s pretty embarrassing getting shot down, you know.”

Embarrassment, then, not being upset about not being able to be with Karl. Karl nodded a little. It was good to know.

“Look, I know you understand how important it is that I not go in there looking like a submissive acting like a top, that I not have any marks on the skin showing at all. I can’t trust anyone else to get me down where I need to go and not fuck it up.”

“What makes you think I can do that?” It was a legitimate question. He knew Chris fairly well, but they had never played together at all and Karl had never directly seen him play with anyone else, either. Karl liked to start slow, get to know his submissive and how they responded before going heavy. He generally took ‘slower than slow, lighter than light’ to heart with new submissives. Chris needed heavy right now, but Karl still didn’t know how to properly gauge his needs and responses.

“Because I trust you.” At Karl’s gesture to continue he sighed and slouched back in his chair. “Because you aren’t a jerk, you care about your friends and try to make everyone happy and comfortable.”

“That doesn’t mean we have a compatible dynamic, though. I want to know why you think we do. Or are you just desperate? Have you not tried to find anyone you can be steady with?”

“I tried with a few that I liked in the past, but nothing worked out.”

“How is it possible that Chris Pine, handsome movie star, couldn’t find someone to top him on a regular basis?”

Chris shrugged in discomfort. “Scheduling conflicts, incompatibility, whatever. It just didn’t work out.”

Karl let it go; Chris clearly didn’t want to talk about. “Also, I’m not a jerk? That’s a pretty low standard there. Jesus, Chris. I mean, there are several tops we work with that could help you out. Bruce would be great. Or Janice in makeup if you wanted someone you didn’t have to act opposite. You get along with her really well. Why me?” He didn’t know quite why he was pushing the issue, except something in him wanted Chris to actually want him, not to be the default choice.

Chris picked at his fingernail, staring at it intently. “I think we have chemistry, that’s all. That will help get me where I need to go.” Chris sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Look, I know you are cuffed," he broke off and waved at the tattoo on Karl's left hand that stood in for the typical wrist cuff of Tops who were in a committed relationship. "Or whatever. I know you don't sleep around but it doesn't have to be like that. No sex, just some pain and domination."

"You know, submission and pain can be just as intimate as sex."

"Doesn't have to be," Chris shrugged. "Nothing that would get you in trouble with Natalie."

As if Karl would ever lay hands on another submissive, sexual or otherwise, without Natalie's consent. "Look, you're the leading man in this film. It wouldn't be professional for us to be involved."

"This coming from the top who collared the submissive he met while filming?"

"That was different." At Chris' incredulous eyebrow he pushed on. "It was different. We didn't date until after filming wrapped."

"Date. Right. You’d require us to date, wouldn’t you."

Karl’s eyebrows furrowed. Would Chris really find that so distasteful? He wanted to ask, but held himself back. Chris was slumped miserably in front of him, his leg jumping and his eyes looking increasingly wild. Did it really matter why Chris had picked him? He was very obviously in need, Karl wanted to start something with him, and as Chris had already pointed out he didn’t leave his friends hanging.

“No, I wouldn’t require us to date for me to help you out. I’ll do it. Look at me, Chris.” Chris looked up quickly, his expression turning eager. “I’ll need you to be honest with me.”

“Of course.”

“I’m serious. No games, no stroking my ego by saying what you think I want to hear. If I’m going to do what you need, then I need the truth.”

Chris nodded somberly.

“I don’t have any implements with me, I wasn’t expecting to do this while I was out here. You’ll have to bring your toy bag. I assume you didn’t bring anything tonight?”

“No. I didn’t really think you’d say yes.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was a jerk before.”

Karl sighed. “Well, it might be better to have some time to prepare. We can negotiate tonight and you can come over tomorrow. Did you want to come over, or do it at your place?”

“Here is good. It’ll be good to get out of the house for a while.”

Karl nodded. “Fine. So, tell me what you want from tomorrow.”

“So, hard limits are total sensory deprivation or total immobility. I’ll do bondage of hands or feet but not both together, and I won’t do a blindfold with hand bondage. Also no humiliation, drawing blood, breath play, or upside down suspension. Nothing with a real threat of bodily harm.”

“Anything else?”

“Obviously no visible marks, but we discussed that. No permanent marks anywhere of any kind.”

Karl nodded. “Soft limits?”

“Caning. Service type things, like shining boots. I mean, if you really want that I can, it just doesn’t do anything for me and it’s not what I’m looking for tomorrow.” Chris narrowed his eyes a bit. “Kissing.”

Karl quirked an eyebrow and Chris looked at him a little belligerently, as if he was daring Karl to say something about it. Karl merely shrugged and said, “So what do you want, then?”

“I’m pretty masochistic, so anything in that department will get me down pretty reliably. I love impact, thud and sting both. I’ve got some floggers and things I can bring that work great for me.”

“That leaves an awful lot left. What about clamps, knife play, role play, electricity, consent play?”

“No consent play, but the rest are okay. I mean, if you use a violet wand, and don’t break the skin with the knife I’ll be fine. I’m good with common stuff.”

Karl snorted a bit; famous last words. Except, he thought he might understand Chris well enough to guess pretty accurately. Trust seemed to be a big issue with him, and as long as he had some control of the situation he was ok to try most things. Karl had a strong desire to see what he’d be like with total lack of control, if he’d trust Karl to take him there – God he’d be gorgeous strung out and begging and completely uncertain of what was coming next…

He wouldn’t, though. He wouldn’t violate Chris’ trust, and besides, it wouldn’t do anything to help Chris right now. He’d stick to what Chris was comfortable with.

“I can do all that. Anything else you want to add?”

Chris hesitated, then said, “Don’t worry about me getting attached or anything, I’m not going to bother you with developing feelings. I just need some help right now.”

Karl nodded. So that was that then. Karl was just a convenient body. It was fine, though. He’d never gotten involved with anyone without there being at least some sort of romantic attachment, but he could do it. Chris was his friend, and he was needed. “All right, so let’s discuss aftercare.”

Title: A Kiss That You Want With Your Whole Life


Fandom: Star Trek AOS RPS

Relationships: Chris Pine/Karl Urban, Karl Urban/Natalie Urban

Characters: Chris Pine, Karl Urban, Natalie Urban, Zoe Saldana, Zach Quinto, Bruce Greenwood

Rating: Explicit

Length: 34,669

Contains: no spoilers, polyamory, Alternate Universe – BDSM, knife play, spanking, angst

Summary: Karl goes to work in the biggest role of his life, and winds up faced with the biggest choice of his life.



Author’s Note: For Thalialunacy. This story wouldn’t exist without you, bb.  Title is from the poetry of Rumi.
This story is not really finished and polished, so some parts are rough.  I left this story at a point where I could consider it the end of part one of a series, or just an unfinished WIP.  I thought a lot about whether to post it - it isn't finished and I don't want to disappoint readers because I may never come back to it.  But I love it and am damn proud of it, and I was encouraged by a friend to post it so I will.  Just know that it's got a major cliffhanger!
( Read more... )

Chapter 1

Chris Pine caught him after the first read through, as he was gathering up his script and water bottle from his spot at the long table. "Hey Karl, you want to take a look around at the sets? Have you gotten a chance to see anything yet?"

"No, not yet. They kept me pretty busy with wardrobe and stuff yesterday. I'd love to."

"Oh man, you're gonna love the bridge!" Chris grinned at him, excited and eager and Karl couldn’t help but grin back. He'd been looking forward to this for months, and being able to share that excitement with a cast mate was inspiring.

The bridge set was large and spacious, but nowhere near being finished. It was mostly plywood with sawdust piled in the corners of the floor, just a rough suggestion of consoles. The change in elevation of the floor was marked off with an in-adequate looking 2x4 handrail. Karl could already visualize being on the finished deck fighting Nero and struggling to save Earth.

"That's going to be the viewscreen over there," Chris waved at the large wall with a huge cut-out across from them, and stepped into a space in the middle of the empty floor, holding his arms out. "And this right here is going to be my chair."

"You know Bruce and Zach get a shot at that chair before you, right?" Karl dropped his script by the door and walked along the curve of consoles to his right, one possibility after another for the finished set flickering through his mind.

"Yeah, well, the Enterprise is my baby,” he replied, all but patting the temporary railing in front of him. “They're just holding her for me."

Karl snorted. “Just because you’re the interloper who steals command from Spock doesn’t make it rightfully yours.”

“To the victor go the spoils,” Chris replied nonchalantly, gazing around with such a look of contentment on his face that Karl had to laugh.

The excitement of the cast and crew over making the film was palpable during the read-through, and the eagerness with which everyone had devoted to reading their lines and hashing out scenes earlier in the day was contagious. Karl hadn't been this excited over a film since Rings. He didn't think anything would compare to that experience, but Trek was promising to be a similar experience already.

“It is Kirk’s destiny to command the Enterprise,” Karl finally conceded.

Chris turned around and beamed at him, and Karl marveled at the way his blue eyes crinkled and his grin seemed to pull answering energy from Karl. “Come on, let me show you Medical! And Nero’s ship!”

Medical was more complete than the bridge. The flooring, walls, beds and nurses station were all in place, though none of the set dressings were put out yet. Karl ran his hands along the top of the nurse’s desk as he walked past, taking everything in. This is where Bones would be spending a lot of his time, a place that was central to who Bones was as a person. Karl got goosbumps with the anticipation of bringing Bones to life again, and suddenly he understood Chris’ earlier exuberance.

“And Dr. Puri is just holding Medical for me,” he said to Chris. Chris grinned at him, and Karl knew he understood.

They lingered for a while discussing Bones and Kirk and Trek in general. Chris razzed him good-naturedly for being a geek and Karl bumped his shoulder into Chris’ in retaliation.

By the time Chris was done dragging him through the whole lot Karl was ready to collapse. “Look, you want to get some dinner? I’m starving, and it doesn’t look like J.J. is going to need anything else from us today.”

Chris rubbed his stomach absently. “Yeah, I guess. Hey!” He brightend up. “We could swing by the In-N-Out a few blocks from here. Wanna see if the others are interested?”

“Sure.” Karl was eager to get to know everyone better. A day full of discussion over the script was a great start, but half of them already knew each other so Karl had a lot of catching up to do.

Chris managed to round up Zach, Zoe, John and Anton and they all caravanned down the road, Chris leading them deftly through traffic to the drive-through. Karl hadn’t eaten at In-N-Out for ages and a burger and strawberry shake sound good. They ordered and then crowded in around one of the outdoor tables, jostling for room. The sun had started to set, casting golden Magic Hour beams across the table, and the air was a cooler, more comfortable temperature.

“I haven’t had a double double in ages. You just can’t get this in New Zealand,” Karl says, stuffing a few fries into his mouth.

“You Kiwi’s just have no concept of good food," Chris said around a mouthful, waving his burger under Karl's nose.

Karl shoved him playfully. “We aren’t all a bunch of sheep herders out in the middle of nowhere, you know. We have takeaway.”

"So Karl, you live in New Zealand, right?" Zoe asked from where she was perched in Zach’s lap feeding him fries. "How do you like the States?"

"I always enjoy visiting. In fact, I'm here so much I keep an apartment for shooting." He smiled wistfully. "I do miss my family, though. It's just not home without Natalie and the boys."

"Aww." Zoe bent to brush her lips across Zach's hair. "It must be hard to be away from her so much."

"Yeah. You have no idea how hard it is to assert your dominance over the phone."

Zoe laughed. "I do, in fact. The few times Zach has gone to New York without me were a trial."

"Oh, God, spare us your toppy commiseration." Karl looked over to see Chris making an adorable yucky face at Anton.

"So the great Kirk is a sub, huh?"

"You know it," Chris bragged. "Chris Pine can do anything."

"You mean 'will do anything that breathes’," John said, throwing a fry across the table at Chris.

"Screw you, Cho. We don't all have a gorgeous dominant to go home to."

They laughed, and Chris winked at Karl before biting into his burger. “Hey, Karl, you play basketball?”

“Sure, every now and again.”

“You should come over sometime. We could shoot some hoops, read lines. Whatever.”

Karl smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

**

Karl leaned up against the door, looking across the large room to where Chris, John and Zach were practicing their fight scenes. He’d finished up with a wardrobe fitting and wandered around the set space a bit, getting his bearings and enjoying peeking at the Bridge set, which was coming along quickly. He’d stumbled across the empty lot which had a corner converted into gym space, and stayed to watch Chris sparing with a man Karl didn’t know, and supervised by Tony, the stunt coordinator.

Chris and the other man were in the middle of the room, Chris holding a football helmet and swinging it at the other man, which then devolved into a fist fight. Chris frowned as he fought, hesitating on a few moves and swinging too wide on a few others.

“Chris, you’ve got to pay attention or you’ll get Matt across the face for real with that helmet!” Tony called out. Chris and the other man, presumably Matt, broke apart panting and wiping at their sweaty brows. “Okay, done for the day, boys. Good job with your training, everyone, you’ve learned well. Let me know if you have any further questions before shooting starts on these scenes.”

They nodded and trudged across the room to the bench with their stuff, Chris waving at Karl. He grabbed his bag and a towel, wiping his face as he came over.

“I guess Starfleet Academy training is over,” Karl said as Chris gulped at his water.

“Yeah, unfortunately. I couldn’t seem to get anything right today, I hope I can get it together before shooting starts.” He was still sort of breathless, flushed and his hair was sticking up all over the place.

Chris seemed naturally athletic so Karl had been a little surprised to see him off his rhythm the whole time he’d been watching. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Tony said earlier in the week you did great, right?”

Chris shrugged noncommittally.

“Want to read lines or something tonight? Get your mind off it.”

Chris shrugged again. “Sure, follow me over?”

Karl stepped back from the door. “Lead the way.”

It was a short drive to Chris’ place. Or, short for LA traffic, anyway. They were after the major rush hour, so it wasn’t long before they had pulled up and were jogging up the stairs to his front door.

“Make yourself at home,” Chris said, toeing off his shoes at the front door and waving Karl towards the kitchen. “There’s beer in the fridge. I’m hitting the shower, be out in a few.”

Karl grabbed a Pabst Blue Ribbon, laughing to himself that Chris always had beer but almost never anything else in his fridge. The same pizza box and half a wrap from the deli up the street were still there from when they played ball five days ago. He kicked up his feet on the coffee table, turning on ESPN while he waited.

Chris’ hair was still wet when he came back out, but this time artfully messy. He was dressed nicely, dark skinny jeans and a polo that fit him snugly across the chest and biceps. He held up the cigarette he’d lit. “Do you mind?”

Karl shrugged. “Your house.” He didn’t smoke anymore, but it had never bothered him the way it did other people after they’d quit.

Chris dropped his script down on the coffee table and flopped down on the other end of the couch. “Can you believe JJ with this red script and all the secrecy and shit?”

“This is the biggest thing since Pirates of the Carribbean, people are going to be all over this. I can’t blame him.”

“Eh, people need to relax. It’s just a movie.”

“You really think the press won’t be on any tiny spoiler in a heartbeat? They’ll know about it in Korea a half hour after any journalist gets their hands on some little bit of info. He’s just taking precautions.” When Chris just thumped his head back on the couch and sighed Karl raised an eyebrow at him. “How about we get started. What do you want to work on?”

“We’re starting on the shuttle scenes together first, let’s do that.”

Karl tossed his script onto the coffee table and rubbed at his eyes. “I think our concentration is shot tonight. You’ve flubbed that line like eight times.”

The sound of Chris’ lighter was loud in the quiet of the apartment, followed by a quiet inhale. Karl eyed him.

“That’s like your fifth one in two hours.”

Chris huffed a little laugh and turned a bit to exhale away from Karl. “Yeah.”

“You’ve been forgetting lines all night, too. You must be tired.”

“Stop smoking so much, settle down, Chris, you need to try harder to concentrate, Chris. What are you, my mom?”

Karl frowned a bit. Chris wasn’t usually so curt. Or jumpy. His toe was tapping against the coffee table leg, and the hand holding his cigarette was tapping out a little pattern against the armrest, causing his smoke to dance and wave. “Well, I wasn’t going to say all that, but yeah. What’s up, man?”

Chris shrugged. “I’m just antsy I guess. Got a little energy to work off or something. I think I’m going out tonight.”

“Oh yeah? Anywhere in particular?”

“I really like this little club a few blocks from here, I’ve had some good luck there. You heading back home?”

Karl shrugged. “No real plans for the night.”

Chris nodded and tapped his ash into an ashtray on the end table. “Just gonna chill, cool. I’ll catch up with you on Monday then?”

Karl nodded slowly. He’d been kind of hoping Chris would invite him along. It would have been fun to get out of the apartment and get to know Chris better, but he wouldn’t impose. “Yeah, man. I hope you have a good time.”

~~~

Chris was dangling from wires in front of a green screen with John Cho when Karl saw him next. They’d been twisting and turning around while hanging upside down, buffetted by wind machines from below as they filmed falling off the drill platform.

“Cut!” JJ called from behind the camera. “Excellent job, Chris! Great focus today, good job on keeping everything safe and capturing all that pretty quickly.”

Chris and John were lowered to the ground, which Karl thought was a good thing because Chris looked red enough to pass out. He disappeared into costuming and Karl caught him later when he came out dressed in his ubiquitous jeans, white t-shirt, and converse.

“Hey! Great job on set today. I caught a bit of your wire work and you looked good up there. It’s going to look killer on screen.”

Chris smiled tiredly, but he looked pleased with himself. “I’m just glad it went well. That shit is hard! John passed out twice.”

“Jeez, that’s intense,” Karl said. “JJ said no one got hurt, that’s good. You feel like you got your groove back today?”

“Oh yeah, I just needed to rest up, unwind. You know how it goes. It was a good weekend. Hey, want to grab some dinner?”

Karl smiled. They could talk about their first day of shooting in a couple of weeks, get a little more into the characters before they started. Karl loved that Chris was so passionate about Kirk, it was a blast talking about the different ways they could play things out on camera. “Yeah, I could eat.”

~~~

“ Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness,” Karl growled, doing his best to screw his face up into a scowl for the twentieth time that day.

“Cut!” JJ popped out from behind the monitor and wound his way past the cameras and lights to lean on the fake bulkhead beside them. “Chris, you’re fidgeting again, and your head showed up in the shot. Kirk isn’t supposed to be the insecure one here, it’s Bones.”

Chris nodded, seemingly avidly listening to JJ, but Karl thought he could sense a growing frustration underneath the bright smile and ‘whatever you say’ attitude. “I’m sorry, JJ, I’m just having a hard time channeling Kirk here. I’ll do better, I know we’re all just trying to get out of here.”

JJ pursed his lips, but merely said, “It’ll come together, we’ll just do one more,” before striding off and calling for a light reset.

“You doing ok?” Karl asked quietly. He could tell Chris wasn’t, he’d never seen him so messed up. He’d fumbled his lines multiple times, strayed into Karl’s shot several times, and yesterday it had taken him almost fifty takes to get the hit-his-head-on-the-bulkhead and “As you were, gentlemen,” scene right. Karl just didn’t know how else to ask; anything more blunt felt like rubbing Chris’ face in his mess.

Chris reached up to rub his eyes, but stopped at the last second before ruining his makeup. He thumped his head back on the headrest and let out a long, deep breath. “I’m fine. I just need a smoke break.” Karl snorted and Chris sighed again. “I mean, I’m having a crappy day, but nothing’s really wrong. It’s just a crappy day. I’m freaking restless is all.” He tapped his thumb against the armrest between them.

“Hey, relax,” Karl said, laying his hand on Chris’ wrist to still his movement. “Just take a couple of deep breaths.”

Chris frowned a little but closed his eyes and breathed, the second and third breaths coming a little slower than the first.

Karl wrapped his fingers around Chris’ wrist and squeezed gently. “You got this. We rehearsed these lines till you could say them in your sleep.” He bumped his shoulder against Chris’. “JJ’s already had, like, ten espressos today. He’s going to have a heart attack if we have to do this another five times.” Chris laughed, though it was quiet and tired sounding.

Karl rubbed his thumb across the back of Chris’ hand a few times before letting go and settling back into his own seat so they weren’t touching anymore. That was a bit of an intimate gesture, one that he normally wouldn’t make with a submissive he wasn’t flirting with or already intimately familiar with, but it had seemed like a natural thing to do. And Chris looked a little more relaxed, so Karl guessed it had been worth it.

“It’s Friday, anyway,” Karl said. “We’ll be off in an hour and then you’ve got a couple of days to relax.”

“Yeah, the party on Sunday is gonna be fun,” he said, smiling at Karl for the first time since they’d said hello that morning.

Karl ducked his head a little. The crew was hosting a party at a bar downtown to celebrate Karl, Zoe, and Bruce starting their shooting schedules. He waved his hand. “It’s just a reason to go out and drink.”

“Hell, yeah, it’s a good reason to go out and drink! I just gotta see if Zach can give me a ride.” At Karl’s inquiring glance he shrugged. “I hate taking cabs, they always recognize me and want to talk to me about this script they’re working on and if I can get someone to look at it, or whatever. And I plan to party hard so I can’t drive.”

“Ah. Smart of you. I’m on your way, I could swing by for you if you want.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

Karl shrugged. He liked spending time with Chris, liked it a lot. “Nah, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. What time do you want me to come by?”

“How about seven.” Chris grinned, a sweet, genuinely delighted smile that made Karl’s breath catch.

Shit. He might be enjoying his time with Chris a bit too much.

I was talking with thalialunacy  a while back about Karl's characterization being pretty different in Lotrips than it is in STRPS, and thought I might post about it in hopes that there are other Lotrips fans that want to compare notes. Because I'm really curious to know if it's just my impression, or the particular fics I was reading, or if other people think similar things.

So I’m curious to know what other fans think.  Is that how you saw him in Lotrips too, or am I only remembering the fics that played into this image of him that I liked so much?  I think I had serious D/s goggles on while reading him in Lotrips, so I don’t trust myself to say for sure that’s how he was universally portrayed.  I’d be very interested to read examples of different characterizations.  You know, for research.  ;D